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| 03:48pm 12/03/2009 |
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Listen. I find myself wanting to give in to the weakness, out of habit, do ye ken? Though I grab
and take what I want, I still end up in this.. pity. I don't quite understand what it is I'm trying
to do. I don't know why it's like this. I have things I want, things I need. Still, I lack something.
Dare I say I want for the Tower? A harsh goal, and without true fulfillment. Mayhap all that anyone
would want truly is that adventure, that goal. Something to reach toward as you bleed, as your eyes close.
Something that would cause you to drag yourself that one small step further, past what you thought was
your ending. Do ye ken?
Ah, the end of this little insight. Quite sad, I think. Mayhap another will come again. |
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2 Shots - Swallow It Down |
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| 05:55pm 23/09/2008 |
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I dumped a boy for his older brother.
Am I a horrible person?
Because.. I don't.. feel like I am.
And I'm all sorts of weird new happy that I used to not be. That I don't think I've ever been..
:3 |
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2 Shots - Swallow It Down |
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| 04:31pm 11/09/2008 |
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Welll... hi guys. This thing says I haven't posted anything in.. 37 weeks? Crazy to think where time goes and such.
Life is.. still weird. Still uncertain and such. I do, however, have some money, so that's good. Within the next week James will be shipping off to Basic Training.. he's going to be in the army for the next 4 years and 34 months. Fun stuff, eh? As far as me.. I think I'm moving back to California, but moreso in the desert part, to be closer to James's AIT station as well as his brother's post at Fort Irwin. Mm.. any questions so far? Hah.
Well.. that's about all the exciting news I've got. Enjoy! |
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1 Shot - Swallow It Down |
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| -_-; |
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| 02:12pm 21/12/2007 |
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mood:  sad
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So I'm sitting in a hotel room in California right now, making myself feel worse and worse. I want to be bitter here, and say I wish I hadn't come. But I'm glad I did, I guess? No, not really. This just makes living back in Georgia harder. It was so easy to leave before because I had nothing that I really cared about. I mean, a job? That I can be fine with leaving. It only leaves me less financially secure. That was all I left, really. The opportunity to see my family whenever as well, I suppose. But I rarely took it, so that didn't effect me anyway.
And now here I went and made friends. God I hate people sometimes. Even when I love them, because then it turns out I can't be near them, or something. I don't know. I'm all over the place. I want to stay, I want to go, I want I want I want.
I don't even really know why I'm writing this. There isn't any decent point that I can make. Oh Raza, how I wish I had your freedom. Freedom from the world, and freedom inside your own mind, and freedom from the views of others.
Jake, how I wish I could have the huge house with all the loving crazy people in it like you do. Where you're never really alone. Where in the end, people end up helping other people, because that's just how those things -should- work out, and thus they do.
I should be happy, I should be content. It makes me wonder if in the end, I really am just a horrible person in the shell of a nice one. Am I greedy? Am I too wanting? Do I not give enough? What's wrong with me that I can never just live, love, and take all the good of the moment into me? There's always something wrong, even if it should all be alright.
I think I need to start actually writing and drawing more. Because I need to get some of this out of me. Whether in blood or ink, it just has to go. So, art then, no? A better way to express, I suppose.
Oh, and for anyone who actually read this far hoping for some kind of update on my life:
I got my nipples pierced. It hurt. I dealt.
Ciao. |
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1 Shot - Swallow It Down |
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| Oh screw the title. Seriously. |
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| 11:58am 16/11/2007 |
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mood:  silly
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I sat here staring at the page for a while trying to think up some witty title, then gave up. Sorry. :(
I check this constantly, I just never really write anything of my own anymore. But since no one seems to have gotten mad about it, I don't think it matters too much.
So, I'm still living in Georgia. James and I share a room, we have bunk beds. (Totally adorable, right?) He's a very messy boy, so the room stays in constant disarray until we decide to clean it up then it goes back to the way it was a day or two later. Oh well.
His family is nice. They have some serious issues here and there, like every family I guess. But I just stay out of it. Until I'm married into it, I figure it's not -my- family drama to deal with. His mom is the most loving person I've ever met. I help her out when I can. Which is often, because I don't really do much. I've gotten a lot of reading done, though. o_O
Since I've been here, I've added two more tattoos to the slowly growing collection. For your viewing pleasure:
I got them opposite the order they're presented here. Because that's how I found them in my flickr. I don't feel like switching them. So nyah. :)
MapleStory dominates. It's an evil evil evil thing. Don't ever go there. (If any of you play... GreyishBlue, Bera Server.)
Damn, someone came in so I totally lost track of what I was saying. Oh well, enjoy your little quips, if you will. :) |
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3 Shots - Swallow It Down |
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| I am no prophet. |
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| 12:05am 02/07/2007 |
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I'm 18.. and still alive. I suppose I have to take back the prophecy now, nay?
Though.. partially I think it's because I've never been truly alive until a small while ago.
Who knows, mayhaps.. something old has died. Something new arises. Behold.. the phoenix. |
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Swallow It Down |
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mourningblood's journal
